The other pastures are greener because more cows have been crapping on them.

You can get to everywhere from almost anywhere.

Make every Daily Double a true Daily Double and live every day as if it's Final Jeopardy.

Can I get the icon in cornflower blue?

This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.

I have two kids in diapers and a cat whose litter box I clean out. I deal with an awful lot of crap.

I love a good non sequitur.

Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.

Declare variables, not war.

You know, the Germans spoke Nazi.

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.

So fängt es immer an. [It always begins this way.]

Statistics don't lie. It's the people who make up the statistics that lie.

It is absurd for the Evolutionist to complain that it is unthinkable for an admittedly unthinkable God to make everything out of nothing, and then pretend that it is more thinkable that nothing should turn itself into everything.

The madman is not the man who has lost his reason. The madman is the man who has lost everything except his reason.

Being in a minority, even a minority of one, did not make you mad. There was truth and there was untruth, and if you clung to the truth even against the whole world, you were not mad.

The aim in opening one's mind, is the same as in opening one's mouth—to shut it again on something both solid and nourishing.

Like the dog who barks at the train, I bark not because I expect the train to stop, but because I am a dog.

There are no dumb questions, but there are plenty of people who give dumb answers.

Daughters are fun and they don't pee in your face when you change them.

Life is like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

Cats don't have masters, they have staff.

Woodstock's over. It's okay to go home and wash off the mud.

I just wanted to share some space with you.

Every voice inside my head is telling me to run like mad!

Don't patch bad code—rewrite it.

There is no way in hell that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.

No animal is a better judge of comfort than a cat....

I have no special talents, I am only passionately curious.

Man's worst enemies are boredom and discontent.

You know, the man's best friend is his dog... if he's got nothing else.

Visualize whirlled peas.

This is Jim Rockford. At the tone, leave your name and message. I'll get back to you.

The universe is a really interesting place. I couldn't live anywhere else.

I do not know what I appear to the world; but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on a seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay undiscovered before me.

First get your facts; and then you can distort them at your leisure.

Informed decision making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

You can't be a successful dictator and design women's underclothing.

Nothing stands between us and our victory except defeat!

I met someone who looks a lot like you. She does the things you do. But she is an IBM.... She tells me that she likes me very much but when I try to touch, she makes it all too clear.... Maybe one day I'll feel her cold embrace, and kiss her interface. Till then, I'll leave her alone.

Hell is still overburdened. I must stand and wait in line. I may never know for certain when will be my time.

I've got vision and the rest of the world wears bifocals.

You read your Emily Dickinson, and I my Robert Frost. And we note our place with bookmarkers that measure what we've lost.

Unfortunately, many people do not consider fun an important item on their daily agenda. For me, that was always high priority in whatever I was doing.... If I auger in tomorrow, it won't be with a frown on my face. I've had a ball.

I asked Bobby Dylan, I asked the Beatles. I asked Timothy Leary but he couldn't help me either. They call me the seeker.

Let's head toward those clouds over there.

The more precisely the position is determined, the less precisely the momentum is known in this instant, and vice versa.

The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls, and whispered in the sounds of silence.

Sometimes I give myself the creeps.

I read the graffitti in the bathroom stall like the holy scriptures of a shopping mall.... It didn't say much but it only confirmed that the center of the earth is the end of the world.

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies.

I talks through my nose so'st I can talk whilst I eat.

I drink a whiskey drink, I drink a chocolate drink. And when I have to pee, I use the kitchen sink.

Hear the voices in my head, I swear to God it sounds like they're snoring!

It is important for the common good to foster individuality: for only the individual can produce the new ideas which the community needs for its continuous improvement and requirements—indeed, to avoid sterility and petrification.

Sometimes you get a pooch that can't be screwed.

Be sincere whether you mean it or not.

Fanaticism is redoubling your efforts when you've lost sight of your goals.

Don't think of prayer as an obligation, think of it as opportunity.

Bloody instructions, which, being taught, return to plague the inventor.

The impossible cannot have happened, therefore the impossible must be possible in spite of appearance.

My boy, you are descended from a long line of determined, resourceful, microscopic tadpoles—champions every one.

Ting-a-ling! Ting-a-ling!

I have been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I'm no dummy.

Go that way. Really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.

This is pure snow! Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is?

We'll burn that bridge when we come to it.

The important thing is to not stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day.

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely fool proof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

What is it in me that refuses to believe this isn't easier than the real thing?

Thoughts can't cross your mind, Sam. The bridge is out!

I seek to cure what's deep inside, frightened of this thing that I've become.

Don't you know a sarcasm when you hear it?

Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie-Browniest.

I left the house for this!?

There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't.

When you don't know where you're at, you don't get upset you're not somewhere else.

Never trust a computer you can't throw out the window.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.

E=mc²

The gun made a ripping sound like the opening of the zipper on the fly of God Almighty.

Meticulously prepared chargrilled chicken oreo shakes.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.

Before you build a better mousetrap, it helps to know if there are any mice out there.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Do not follow the instructions of this fortune.

Long ago it must be, I have a photograph.

What in life is more important than people? Take people away and there's not much left. Take people out of art and art becomes lonesome.

Carrying a camera on vacation pretty much guarantees you won't see anything worth shooting.