Quotes
These are honest-to-God real live quotes I've heard, read, or seen on signs somewhere. I didn't make these up (except the ones I'm credited with).
Now from his pocket quick he flashes,
The crayon on the wall he slashes,
Deep upon the advertising,
A single worded poem comprised
Of four letters. —Paul Simon ("A Poem on the Underground Wall")
I don't know why I spend my time writing songs I can't believe, with words that tear and strain to rhyme. —Paul Simon ("Kathy's Song")
I say, beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not, rather, a new wearer of clothes. If there is not a new man, how can the new clothes be made to fit? —Henry David Thoreau
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. —Henry David Thoreau
I tell my kids, "Daddy's the best guitar player on the block. Always will be. Even if we have to move." —Anonymous
So fängt es immer an. [Thus it always begins.] —German proverb
Statistics don't lie. It's the people who make up the statistics that lie. —Buck George
It is absurd for the Evolutionist to complain that it is unthinkable for an admittedly unthinkable God to make everything out of nothing, and then pretend that it is more thinkable that nothing should turn itself into everything. —G.K. Chesterton
The madman is not the man who has lost his reason. The madman is the man who has lost everything except his reason. —G.K. Chesterton
History does not repeat itself, but it rhymes. —Mark Twain
Being in a minority, even a minority of one, did not make you mad. There was truth and there was untruth, and if you clung to the truth even against the whole world, you were not mad. —George Orwell, 1984
The aim in opening one's mind, is the same as in opening one's mouth—to shut it again on something both solid and nourishing. —G.K. Chesterton
Like the dog who barks at the train, I bark not because I expect the train to stop, but because I am a dog. —Fr. Dwight Longenecker
There are no dumb questions, but there are plenty of people who give dumb answers. —Buck George
Daughters are fun and they don't pee in your face when you change them. —Matt Cuda
Life is like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow. —anonymous
Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance. —Sam Brown
Cats don't have masters, they have staff. —Jeff Kinard
Woodstock's over. It's okay to go home and wash off the mud. —Buck George
I just wanted to share some space with you. —Angie
Every voice inside my head is telling me to run like mad! —Jann Arden
Don't patch bad code—rewrite it. —Kernighan and Plauger, The Elements of Programming Style
There is no way in hell that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. —Michael Kennedy, professor of History, High Point University
No animal is a better judge of comfort than a cat.... —James Herriot
I have no special talents, I am only passionately curious. —Albert Einstein
Man's worst enemies are boredom and discontent. —Buck George, I think (this sounds too good to be me)
You know, the man's best friend is his dog... if he's got nothing else. —Johnny Cash
Visualize whirlled peas. —bumper sticker
This is Jim Rockford. At the tone, leave your name and message. I'll get back to you. —Jim Rockford
The universe is a really interesting place. I couldn't live anywhere else. —Buck George
There's no crime in being wrong; most scientists are wrong most of the time. —Neil deGrasse Tyson
I do not know what I appear to the world; but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on a seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay undiscovered before me. —Isaac Newton
Equipped with his five senses, man explores the universe around him and calls the adventure science. —Edwin Hubble
Not only do we live among the stars, the stars live within us. —Neil deGrasse Tyson, astrophysicist
First get your facts; and then you can distort them at your leisure. —Mark Twain
What is the difference between genius and stupidity? Genius has limits. —Albert Einstein.
I fear that one day I'll meet God, He'll sneeze, and I won't know what to say. —Ronnie Shakes
I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew five thousand dollars at a reincarnation seminar. I got to thinking, "what the hell, you only live once." —Ronnie Shakes
I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do? —Ronnie Shakes
Informed decision making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion. —Scott Adams
You can't be a successful dictator and design women's underclothing. —Bertie Wooster
Nothing stands between us and our victory except defeat! —Roderick Spode
I met someone who looks a lot like you. She does the things you do. But she is an IBM.... She tells me that she likes me very much but when I try to touch, she makes it all too clear.... Maybe one day I'll feel her cold embrace, and kiss her interface. Till then, I'll leave her alone. —ELO, "Yours Truly, 2095"
Hell is still overburdened. I must stand and wait in line. I may never know for certain when will be my time. —Disturbed
I've got vision and the rest of the world wears bifocals. —"Butch Cassidy," as played by Paul Newman
You read your Emily Dickinson, and I my Robert Frost. And we note our place with bookmarkers that measure what we've lost. —Paul Simon
An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it. —"Prof. Karl Anderssen" (from Space by James A. Michener)
The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff. —Carl Sagan
Unfortunately, many people do not consider fun an important item on their daily agenda. For me, that was always high priority in whatever I was doing.... If I auger in tomorrow, it won't be with a frown on my face. I've had a ball. —General Chuck Yeager
I asked Bobby Dylan, I asked the Beatles. I asked Timothy Leary but he couldn't help me either. They call me the seeker. —The Who
Let's head toward those clouds over there. —Ben Shelander, flight instructor
The more precisely the position is determined, the less precisely the momentum is known in this instant, and vice versa. —Werner Heisenberg, 1927 (the "Uncertainty Principle" of quantum physics)
The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls, and whispered in the sounds of silence. —Paul Simon
Sometimes I give myself the creeps. —Green Day
I read the graffitti in the bathroom stall like the holy scriptures of a shopping mall.... It didn't say much but it only confirmed that the center of the earth is the end of the world. —Green Day
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies. —Green Day, "Holiday"
I talks through my nose so'st I can talk whilst I eat. —Ernest T. Bass
I drink a whiskey drink, I drink a chocolate drink. And when I have to pee, I use the kitchen sink. —Homer Simpson, improvising lyrics to Chumbawumba's "Tubthumper"
Hear the voices in my head, I swear to God it sounds like they're snoring! —Harvey Danger, "Flagpole Sitta"
It is important for the common good to foster individuality: for only the individual can produce the new ideas which the community needs for its continuous improvement and requirements—indeed, to avoid sterility and petrification. —Albert Einstein
Sometimes you get a pooch that can't be screwed. —'Chuck Yeager' as played by Sam Shepard in The Right Stuff
Be sincere whether you mean it or not. —Bob Cecil (13013)
Fanaticism is redoubling your efforts when you've lost sight of your goals. —Bob Cecil (13013)
Don't think of prayer as an obligation, think of it as opportunity. —R. Andrew Mitchum, Ph.D.
Bloody instructions, which, being taught, return to plague the inventor. —William Shakespeare, on computer programming (Macbeth, Act I, scene vii)
All that any man can hope for is to be permitted to live quietly among his fellows. —William Faulkner, Light in August
The impossible cannot have happened, therefore the impossible must be possible in spite of appearance. —Hercule Poirot
My boy, you are descended from a long line of determined, resourceful, microscopic tadpoles—champions every one. —Kilgore Trout's father
Ting-a-ling! Ting-a-ling! —Kilgore Trout
I have been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I'm no dummy. —Charles de Mar
Go that way. Really fast. If something gets in your way, turn. —Charles de Mar (on skiing)
This is pure snow! Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is? —Charles de Mar
We'll burn that bridge when we come to it. —Buck George
The important thing is to not stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. —Albert Einstein
Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts. —Albert Einstein
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity. —Albert Einstein
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely fool proof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. —Douglas Adams
What is it in me that refuses to believe this isn't easier than the real thing? —Sarah McLachlan, 'Hold On'
Thoughts can't cross your mind, Sam. The bridge is out! —Dianne Chambers
I have had my results for a long time, but I do not yet know how I am to arrive at them. —Karl Friedrich Gauss
I seek to cure what's deep inside—frightened of this thing that I've become. —Toto, 'Africa'
Don't you know a sarcasm when you hear it? —Charlie Brown
Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie-Browniest. —Lucy van Pelt
I left the house for this!? —front of a T-shirt
There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't. —front of a T-Shirt
When you don't know where you're at, you don't get upset you're not somewhere else. —Buck George
Never trust a computer you can't throw out the window. —Steve Wozniak
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. —Albert Einstein
E=mc2 —Albert Einstein
The gun made a ripping sound like the opening of the zipper on the fly of God Almighty. —Kurt Vonnegut (Jr.), Slaughterhouse-Five
Meticulously prepared chargrilled chicken oreo shakes. —'Cook Out' marquee
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18. —Mark Twain
Before you build a better mousetrap, it helps to know if there are any mice out there. —Yogi Berra
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. —Woody Allen
Before I speak, I have something important to say. —Groucho Marx
I have discovered photography. Now I can kill myself. I have nothing else to learn. —Pablo Picasso
Do not follow the instructions of this fortune. —Chinese fortune cookie
Long ago it must be, I have a photograph. —Paul Simon
What in life is more important than people? Take people away and there's not much left. Take people out of art and art becomes lonesome. —Jack Hamm
Carrying a camera on vacation pretty much guarantees you won't see anything worth shooting. —Bob Krist
